Baby news after your miscarriage

Baby news after your miscarriage

I thought I had cried all I could when I found out I’ve had a miscarriage.

Turns out, just as you think you’re getting your head around it, there are lots of other moments that come and kick you in the balls.

I found out I’d lost my baby two weeks ago now. It’s been two long weeks.

Technically, nothing has happened yet. I still have to go to hospital on Monday for another scan, confirming the inevitable, but hopefully I finally get some treatment to help it along.

So in the meantime, I have started to try to deal with it in my own head.

I have tried to carry on with life as ‘normal’ as much as I can.

I have tried to make sure my little girl, Lady P is affected as little as possible. She really is the best medicine.

We’ve also decided to get a dog.

Only now, when I go out, the bumps and newborns I see don’t make me smile in the same way as they did before. They make my heart sink a little as I remember what I have lost.

This week, I was reminded of my grief even more.

I had a message from a friend, letting me know that she is 14 weeks pregnant, and another about her 20 week scan.

OUCH.

My first thoughts are that I am really really really happy for both of them, I truly am. Both messages were sensitive and I appreciate that.

But it hit me in a way I didn’t expect.

It took me a while to process.

They are only be a few weeks ahead of me. They will have her babies when I would have been expecting mine. Their happy times will be my saddest.

I feel like a terrible person for even thinking like that, but I think it’s only natural. I can’t think any other way right now.

I don’t think you can ever predict how you might feel if you lose a baby. Or when you next hear a friend’s baby news. Or when you hold another newborn. It is an emotion that we hope we will never have to experience, yet it is one that is so common for so many of us. I thought I might have a while before I’d have to deal with baby news, but I guess timing is a bitch.

For me, it will get worse before it gets better, but I wish my friends the very best with their pregnancies. I hope that soon I can share in their happy times too.

But for now, my tears returned today, and my heart sank a little further.

Rainbow on a gloomy day.

Rainbow on a gloomy day.

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51 Comments on "Baby news after your miscarriage"

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Fiona Cambouropoulos
Guest

It happens to so many more than you realise, I’ve been there too, it’s hard when you are there, you never forget dates that didn’t happen but you do move on. Happy times will follow, life has a way of dealing with things. Stay positive and take things a day at a time. Sending hugs xx
#MarvMondays

Kirsten Toyne
Guest

I read your first post on this. It really takes time. there is no timetable for loss but it will get better. some of my clients who have experienced this have got value from marking the loss in some way to fill the role of a funeral. It may or may not be right for you though. Be really kind to yourself.

Fran Back With A Bump
Guest

Children can be the greatest distraction and can help us going when it gets tough. My eldest was my rock when I lost my mum when she was 11 months old, and more recently when we lost our son, she was our reason to hold it together and carry on. I hope things get easier. Lovely photo of the rainbow. Thanks for sharing for #marvmondays xx

Emily
Guest

There are no words. Just sending lots of love. Xxx

Emily – Babiesandbeauty #marvmondays

Lady Nym
Guest

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s completely understandable you’d feel that way, especially since it’s so recent (and not even properly over for you yet). I’m sure you’ll never, ever forget but the pain will fade with time and become a little less raw. Look after yourself.

#MarvMondays

Lucy At Home
Guest

I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling right now. You are not a bad person for finding others’ joys difficult to deal with right now, and I am sure your friends will appreciate that this is very hard for you at the moment. #MarvMondays

Busy Irish Mammy
Guest

So sorry for your loss. Sending lots of love and hugs to you. #Globalblogging x x x x

Alana - Burnished Chaos
Guest
All I can say is, let the tears come. I’ve been there and I out on a huge front of being ok and although I did cry I also held a lot in and I still feel like I never really grieved properly. I was due at the same time as my husbands cousins youngest and every time we see her or her birthday comes I feel the loss, another time I was due at the same time as my brother had his first and the same thing happens there. In each case I was extremely happy for them but… Read more »
Kat
Guest

I’m so sorry to read about your loss. I think you’re right and what you’re feeling is completely natural. Sending lots of love x #MarvMondays

One Messy Mama
Guest

Shew. This is such a raw time for you. I am so terribly sorry that you are having to deal with such heartache! Word’s can’t begin to make it better. It’s amazing that you are able to write about how you are feeling! You are one strong lady! Hang in there! Hugs… xxxx Thank you for sharing your story with us! #GlobalBlogging

mommabearTrax
Guest

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. It is such a real grief, albeit invisible to most…it doesn’t take away one bit of its realness though. I have also just recently lost my baby and grip my heart in familiar pain for you on reading this post…Your little one will never be forgotten. Here’s to meeting our little ones one day. Sending you all the love. Xxx

mommabearTrax
Guest

#globalBlogging

Lorraine
Guest

Ah bless you Rhian it’s still early days and very raw for you, quite natural to be so tearful. If you feel you want to speak to another parent who has experience of this look up http://childdeathhelpline.org.uk. They are wonderful. x

An imperfect mum (Catie)
Guest

Reading this post brought back so many memories for me. I lost a baby and my neighbour announced she was pregnant with her third child (unplanned which she made a big thing about) and it really really affected me. I can understand your feelings completely. I am so sorry that you are going through this too and I really hope you are getting the help you need! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime we are all here to support you in your virtual world too! Big hugs ❤️

Squirmy Popple
Guest

I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. It’s only natural that your happiness for your friends regarding their baby news would be tinged with a bit of sadness. I’m sure you’ll be able to share their happiness in time. #stayclassymamaa

RachelSwirl
Guest

Miscarriage was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through, my thoughts are with you. Thanks for joining in with #TuesdayTreasures

kris
Guest
I actively tried to stay away from miscarriage posts last week, thinking about my 2 losses before my blessing arrived just made me feel sad. I understand where you are coming from, with my first loss my sister in law was pregnant at the same time and it was hell seeing her go thru what should have been me. I didn’t deal with it very well, i became very bitter and I pretty much stayed away. It is the hgardest thing in the world you just have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off because sadly (this was my… Read more »
Lisa Savage
Guest

I’m so sorry for your loss. #picknmix

Cathryn
Guest
I had this exact feeling. I lost two babies before my daughter and both times people I knew were pregnant. I unfollowed them because I didn’t want to be reminded. Bumps and babies were bitter sweet. It was awful. Only looking back now do I realise how sad I felt. Having a baby was all I wanted. When Edith came along I didn’t believe it was real. I expected something to go wrong. It really changes your outlook. I was so careful not to do anything I shouldn’t. Even now, as she’s just turned one. I am protective over her.… Read more »
natalie
Guest

Oh lovely I am so sorry, I suffered a miscarriage back in February and it broke my heart and even now I am 30 weeks pregnant I still cry about it. It took me a long time to get over it and I am not sure I will ever be fully over it but time has been a great healer. Sending love – be kind to yourself. #thelist #picknmix

claire
Guest

I’m so sorry to hear this. It is a difficult situation. I happen to have 2 friends who are at varying stages of pregnancy right now, and 2 who also had miscarriages in the last few months, one of them quite far along. It has been difficult for them to come to terms with, and everyone has reacted differently, as everyone deals with grief in their own way. xx #picnmix

Devon Mama
Guest

Gosh. What an emotional post. I can’t offer any support other than to say thank you for sharing, writing and getting these emotions out can hopefully help you process things. You are a brave, strong mama.
#picknmix

Laura
Guest
My heart goes out to you and I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. I had a miscarriage in May at 11+6. It has been so incredibly heartbreaking. Dealing with other people’s baby news is one of the worst parts. A girl at work was due just a week after me and I find myself glad that she has finally left for maternity as seeing her bump and knowing my baby should have been at the same stage was so upsetting. My due date was next month and the worst part is we haven’t managed to fall pregnant again yet. I… Read more »
Laura
Guest

Oh and #tuesdaytreasures xx

Annette, 3 Little Buttons
Guest

Sending loads of hugs from us and the #DreamTeam. It’s such a difficult time and it’s not been long at all. It’s only natural that you will feel such a huge amount of mixed emotions. You are brave to speak out, and your post will come as a comfort to others I am sure, knowing that they are not alone in feeling like this. Grab yourself some ‘me time’ if you can. xxx

Helena
Guest

Ouch. I can only just about imagine what you’ve gone through. Both my girls were high risk pregnancies. #PicknMix

Sarah Aslett
Guest

Hi Rhian, so sorry to hear you are going through this and I am sorry for your loss. I think your feelings are completely natural and you shouldn’t feel bad about them. I wish you well for the future #stayclassymama

A Cornish Mum
Guest

Oh sweetheart, I won’t patronise you by pretending to know how you feel as it is something that I have been lucky enough not to experience myself. All I can say is that I hope with time that it gets easier for you, I really do.

Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

Stevie x

Eilidh
Guest

I lost a baby in February and it would be around the due date now. It wasn’t planned, we aren’t planning any more but the news of other people expecting/ having babies hit me hard. I’m finding it easier now months and months later. It’s such a horrible experience to go through. I hope you get some help/closure soon, sending hugs.
Thanks for linking to #PickNMix
Eilidh x

Crummy Mummy
Guest

I remember after mine that everywhere I looked there were pregnant women and it was like a kick in the stomach every time… #picknmix

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