For the last 3 years and a half years, my life has mostly revolved around one little person.
I’ve had one major priority. One person to think about unconditionally, and more importantly, to keep alive.
My baby girl.
Of course, my husband, family and friends have also been important, but the fact of the matter is, they don’t need me to survive.
She on the other hand, relies on me for care, comfort, survival, fun and love.
We think the same way
I can almost always predict what she’s going to say or wear, except when she’s having one of those ‘toddler movements’.
Not even Mystic Meg (showing my age) can predict those.
We think the same way and I often joke that we share the same brain. I know what makes her happy, and I know what will make her sad.
We are partners in crime.
So in the run up to adding to our crew, I’m a whole hormonal bag of mixed emotions.
I’m completely delighted and a million squillion percent grateful that I’m expecting our little baby boy.
I really am. I couldn’t be happier.
But as we approach the finish line, I’ve been knocked sideways but these new emotions.
Not to mention, some new behaviour from her.
The emotional build up
When you go from no children to one child, you don’t have this one initially. Guilt soon arrives pretty once you’re a parent though, and it only gets stronger as they grow.
I’m starting to feel guilty to my little girl that she will have to share me, and the solo time she’s had with me for the whole of her life so far will be changing shortly. I also feel guilty that I can’t pick her up and give her as many cuddles (because she doesn’t fit on my lap anymore).
This is where my rational brain takes over.
It’s when the last 2 and a half years of trying to have another child makes sense. I actually can’t wait to add to our family. Giving my daughter a sibling, someone to grow up with, to annoy, and hopefully a person she will love unconditionally too, is the best gift I could offer her.
I’m not so nervous about having 2 children. That feels like something I’ll just kind of work out along the way.
I’m actually feeling most nervous about childcare during labour, and of course (having already been there), the actual process itself. Bloody hell, does it sting.
This one has already kicked in. BIG TIME.
Being pregnant is tiring enough, let alone when you have a busy toddler running around the place. To add to it, this pregnancy has been hard, really hard. So it’s taken it’s toll on my energy levels, and any sleep that my daughter will allow me to get. It’s only going to get worse…
I’m also worried that I’ll get so tired and grumpy that I’ll take it out on anyone who dares to talk to me. You know the kind of thing; getting annoyed with toys all over the place, snapping at my husband for any small comment, or wanting to stuff a sock in the dog’s mouth if he dares to even growl when the baby is nodding off.
*Smug parent alert*
I adore it when people ask my daughter what’s in Mummy’s tummy. Her immediate response of “my baby brother” makes me go all gooey on the inside. I only hope she continues to be so happy with the change.
This one goes without saying really.
Yes, it’s brought me some hair-tearing-out experiences, but overwhelmingly it’s made me so much happy. I really can’t wait for our family to make more memories with our new arrival.