So following on from the first instalment, the time came that I need to do a pregnancy test.
Now I have done one before in my life. In fact, I’m not sure many people have reached 32 without having a slight doubt their period might be late and done a test with their eyes closed.
But this time, I was not going to be doing one because I thought my pill might have failed. Nor was I worried about that time I was too hungover to take my pill the next morning. And not even because I had put on a bit of weight despite going to the gym and suddenly thought I might be able to blame it on something ‘simple’.
No. This time I was going to wee on a stick because there was a good chance I might be pregnant.
So, on the Monday morning after skiing, I couldn’t sleep. I had convinced myself I had got my period in the night, so was awake at 5am not wanting to go to the loo.
I had got a spare test kit in my bathroom because my periods were less regular in the past, and not wanting to wake my husband when he had to go to work later, I snuck to our downstairs toilet.
I weed on the stick and my hand and sat there waiting for something to happen.
Unfortunately, I’d thrown the packaging away and had no idea what I was looking for, so with a quick Google image search, saw that I needed a line for a positive result.
After a few minutes something VERY faint appeared, but that wasn’t conclusive enough for me. Besides, some of the forums I read mentioned that if the kit is saturated for too long, it can blur the results and cause a false positive line to appear.
So I threw it in the bin, and went back to bed.
Later on that morning, I couldn’t think of anything else – occasionally peeking at the kit in the bin to just see if anything had changed.
Was I? Wasn’t I? Was the test wrong? Was it right? Did I even do it right?
Then my husband phoned me to tell me he’d been offered his dream job that would include 6-9 months of longer days (sometimes longer than 12 hours), exams, and a lot of work and wanted to know how I would feel about that?
Knowing just how much he wanted to do it, I said I’d support him in whatever he wanted to do. I mean, I might not even be pregnant and I took my vows to be a loyal and understanding wife to him only a month before!
I figured I had better get another test, so this time, to be sure, I bought a Clear Blue digital pregnancy test. In fact, I bought 2 in case the result also wasn’t obvious.
On getting it home, I nervously weed in a pot this time (to prevent more ‘wee hand’), and I mean nervously. This was going to be the decider, so I made sure I followed the instructions exactly.
Hands shaking, I replaced the lid, and the screen started to display that annoying little egg timer thing, which seemed to go on FOREVER. So much so, that I had to go downstairs and put some washing on to kill some time.
Coming back upstairs with everything shaking at this point, glimpsing at the stick, I saw the egg timer had gone and been replaced by some text.
PREGNANT 1-2 WEEKS.
I actually couldn’t believe it. So this is what it felt like to find out you’re pregnant!
It’s scary. It’s exciting. It’s unreal. And it’s a bit more scary too.
What should I do now?
I mainly cried and thought “F**K, I’m going to have a baby”.
Then I called the old man.
He had to sit down and asked me if it was really happening. I said I thought so and told him the story of the 2 tests, but neither of us could believe it.
I then spent the rest of the day frantically Googling everything I could think of to do with pregnancy. Due date, foods to eat, what to avoid, symptoms, size of the baby at 2 weeks, conception dates, weight gain, exercise, labour. EVERYTHING.
So by the time he arrived home, I was an internet expert! But I was also petrified at what I’d found on some sites!
We had a strange but sweet evening where we talked a little about what was going to happen, trying to work out dates for parties, weddings and holidays we already had planned, but agreed that we wouldn’t say too much yet, and we certainly wouldn’t be telling anyone.
If you’re reading this and in the same situation, short of buying up every pregnancy test kit in London, the next step is to get in touch with your doctor and get the ball rolling.